When people talk about wanting to have babies, most don't think of pregnancy; most think of what comes after the 9 months of pregnancy. And, once a woman has a baby, she normally waits a few years to have another one. During this "waiting" period a condition called "pregnancy amnesia" happens. This is when the woman has forgotten all the bad things that come with pregnancy and delivery.
When I became pregnant with Jay I was ELATED. I had a miscarriage before him, but didn't even realize I was pregnant until AFTER the miscarriage. So, when I got pregnant with Jay, I could not wait to experience every second of this new life Jason and I had created. I did have some issue with his pregnancy, but he came into the world at a healthy 8 pounds and 6 ounces.
14 months later I found myself pregnant again; however, at 6/7 weeks I miscarried. I was devastated, even though we had not planned it. We tried for 6 months after the miscarriage and I finally became pregnant with Jackson. Now, by this time the "pregnancy amnesia" had set in. I totally forgot about all the bad things that come along with pregnancy. Even when pregnant with Jackson, I had to keep looking back at the journal I kept for Jay to see if things were the same!! Jackson was a scheduled C-section, so his delivery was slightly different than Jay's. I had to get a spinal with Jackson and the spinal made me so nausea! But, in the end I had another baby boy weighing in at 7 pounds and 11 ounces.
Now, for this pregnancy, it had not been long enough for this "pregnancy amnesia" to kick in. So, when I stared at the HPT with my jaw on the floor, all the bad pregnancy things came rushing back. I could not think about one good thing about being pregnant again!! So, as I sit here at 24 weeks pregnant, the disadvantages come to me:
1. Nausea- I have been pretty lucky with this one. I had some nausea off and on in the beginning, but nothing to crazy.
2.Boobs- my boobs are big to begin with, but with this pregnancy they are massive and in the way! Oh, and they hurt like hell.
3. RLS- yes, I get Restless Leg Syndrome when pregnant. I basically twitch all night.
4. Back ache- with each pregnancy I get really bad lower back pains. If I sit, or lay down for too long, I have to stay bent over for like 10 minutes while my muscles loosen up. I look the Hunchback as I make my way to the bathroom.
5. Speaking of bathrooms, pee- I pee way too much. And once the baby is big enough, and forgive me for being crude, there is so much pressure on your bladder, that you (me anyways) has to lean forwards to empty your bladder. I don't remember (amnesia) it being like that for Jay, but def. for Jackson and Turtle. Plus, I have to pee NON stop.
6. Headches- ALL THE TIME
7. Exhaustion- ALL THE TIME
8. Emotional- Jason would say all the time, but I normally have a few break downs with each pregnancy.
9. Feeling fat- with Jason and Jackson I gained under 25 pounds. Before getting pregnant with Jackson I had lost a good bit of weight, so his pregnancy was great. I had not lost all the weight with Jackson when I got pregnant with Turtle, so I feel like a beast right now. Esp. since my boobs are huge, that doesn't help.
10. Food- right now I go between wanting to eat all the time and not wanting to eat all. It is crazy, my mind can't seem to make it's mind up (ha!). Plus, I am starting to get to the state where the baby is getting bigger, so when I DO eat, I can't eat much or I will be miserable. And everyone knows how much I LOVE food. We have a love/hate relastionship.
11. Spinal- when I had the spinal for Jackson I thought I was going to die right there. It was so painful and it made me so nausea. I was trying to figure out how I was going to throw up not being able to feel from the chest down!! I still cringe when I think about it and don't look forward to it at all. Now, I don't recall the epidural with Jason, once again, amnesia.
So, these are just some of the woes I have about pregnancy and they come at me stronger this time because the amnesia had no time to set in. All I do know, is that there is NO amnesia when it comes to the moment your baby is born. I remember exactly everything that happened when Jason and Jackson were born. Those moments were the greatest moments in my life. I am thankful that there isn't a "birth amnesia", maybe a "delivery amnesia". I look forward to when Jacob comes into this world. I can't wait to see if he looks like Jay or if he looks like Jackson. All in all, I may complain about the hardships of pregnancy, but in the end, it is truly worth every second of it.
Oh yeah, and the waddling sucks too! =)
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
She put a curse on me.
So, back in April when I found out I was pregnant, for the 5th time in 4 years, I had a mini panic attack. My second son was just 6 months old, and I had just returned to work in January. One of the many things that Jason said to console me was, "maybe this one is a girl." I took those 6 words and ran with them. In reality it took me a good month to come to terms with it all. I realized I was going to have to quit work and become a SAHM, stay at home mom, something I always wanted to do, but when I was faced with it, it scared the crap out of me.
During the next couple of months all I thought about was this "baby girl" I was going to have. I had dreams, I had the "feeling", I had it all. Until. Until it was the day before the ultrasound appointment and I said out loud, "they are going to tell me it's a boy." The next 24 hours was hell!! I could not WAIT to get in that room and find out.
Jason was with me in at the ultrasound and he of course found "it" right off the bat!! The technician had just started the scan and scanned near the genatalia of the baby and Jason busted out,"I just saw something." My response was , "No you didn't" yes he did. Baby #3 is a boy and was very proud of himself that day!! I nicknamed him Turtle, one can figure out why.
So, as I sat stunned in the chair, all I could think was, "this is it. we are done and I will not have a girl." We left the doctor appointment and I didn't say much, so Jason started probing. He wanted to know if I was upset. I tried to explain to him that just like he grew up ALWAYS wanting boys, or at least A boy, I always grew up wanting A girl. That was my plan, to have a boy, then a girl. But now, because of the ultrasound, my vision was gone. And due to hormones and feeling bad for thinking this way, I became emotional and cried for two days, especially when anyone called and foudn out we were having ANOTHER boy.
S
I LOVE my boys, ADORE them, and could not think what life would be without them, but I felt a lost for a baby that never existed and because I had this feeling, I felt awful for not being thankful for what God had given us. Another baby boy, another healthy baby. I was also, and still am, concerned, because I don't want Turtle to get shafted because he IS a boy and was born only 14 months after Jackson. I was people to celebrate him and love him.
We have decided on a name: Jacob Ross. Ross was my grandfather's name and he passed away last May, so I am glad I get to honor him with this baby. I still can't believe I am going to be a mother of 3 boys!! My life will not be filled with pink, lace or monogrammed bows like I dreamt of, but of dirt, baseball, football, and four wheelin'! My mother in law had three boys and she always had stories about how crazy they were growing up. She use to tell Jason "I hope you have 3 boys and they are just like you so you can know what I went through." Jason's response was always, " I hope I have 3 boys and they act like me too Mom." She tried to put the curse on my sister in law, but Liz had 2 girls and 1 boy, so she moved her focus to me!!! My mother always wanted boys, she had 2 girls, so here she goes!!!
Already with a 3 year old and an 11 month old my life is crazy. Jay thinks he is Spiderman/Ironman/Superman and is always hurting himself. Today he was Spiderman and wanted to climb on the wall, so he jumped from his bed and went head first INTO the wall....no climbing was done, just a knot forming on his head!!
Jackson is starting to cruise around furniture and not much impresses him. He knows how to work his momma, so girls need to be scared!!
I love these 2 little boys with all my being and I cannot wait to add Jacob to the mix!!
During the next couple of months all I thought about was this "baby girl" I was going to have. I had dreams, I had the "feeling", I had it all. Until. Until it was the day before the ultrasound appointment and I said out loud, "they are going to tell me it's a boy." The next 24 hours was hell!! I could not WAIT to get in that room and find out.
Jason was with me in at the ultrasound and he of course found "it" right off the bat!! The technician had just started the scan and scanned near the genatalia of the baby and Jason busted out,"I just saw something." My response was , "No you didn't" yes he did. Baby #3 is a boy and was very proud of himself that day!! I nicknamed him Turtle, one can figure out why.
So, as I sat stunned in the chair, all I could think was, "this is it. we are done and I will not have a girl." We left the doctor appointment and I didn't say much, so Jason started probing. He wanted to know if I was upset. I tried to explain to him that just like he grew up ALWAYS wanting boys, or at least A boy, I always grew up wanting A girl. That was my plan, to have a boy, then a girl. But now, because of the ultrasound, my vision was gone. And due to hormones and feeling bad for thinking this way, I became emotional and cried for two days, especially when anyone called and foudn out we were having ANOTHER boy.
S
I LOVE my boys, ADORE them, and could not think what life would be without them, but I felt a lost for a baby that never existed and because I had this feeling, I felt awful for not being thankful for what God had given us. Another baby boy, another healthy baby. I was also, and still am, concerned, because I don't want Turtle to get shafted because he IS a boy and was born only 14 months after Jackson. I was people to celebrate him and love him.
We have decided on a name: Jacob Ross. Ross was my grandfather's name and he passed away last May, so I am glad I get to honor him with this baby. I still can't believe I am going to be a mother of 3 boys!! My life will not be filled with pink, lace or monogrammed bows like I dreamt of, but of dirt, baseball, football, and four wheelin'! My mother in law had three boys and she always had stories about how crazy they were growing up. She use to tell Jason "I hope you have 3 boys and they are just like you so you can know what I went through." Jason's response was always, " I hope I have 3 boys and they act like me too Mom." She tried to put the curse on my sister in law, but Liz had 2 girls and 1 boy, so she moved her focus to me!!! My mother always wanted boys, she had 2 girls, so here she goes!!!
Already with a 3 year old and an 11 month old my life is crazy. Jay thinks he is Spiderman/Ironman/Superman and is always hurting himself. Today he was Spiderman and wanted to climb on the wall, so he jumped from his bed and went head first INTO the wall....no climbing was done, just a knot forming on his head!!
Jackson is starting to cruise around furniture and not much impresses him. He knows how to work his momma, so girls need to be scared!!
I love these 2 little boys with all my being and I cannot wait to add Jacob to the mix!!
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